When I was little, we had friends come to our house a lot. When a certain crew came, they raided the candy drawer like they hadn’t eaten in a week. It was quite a binge. It’s because there was no candy in their house. They were fed 3 small meals each day, and that was it. They had the mentality that they needed to get everything they could in a small period of time. Because they hadn’t been taught self-regulation by having regular access to things, they didn’t understand moderation.

To me, I had access to the candy drawer in my house whenever I wanted. Therefore, it wasn’t exciting to me. It was there if I wanted something here and there, but it wasn’t something I felt the need to covet. I do the same with my kids. They have full access to the pantry. They know the things that are “good” for you, and they know they can take that without asking. They do ask if they can have any of the treats in there, and unless it’s close to a meal time, I try to give more “yes” responses than denials (and my denials always come with a reason).

I use this story regularly in my life it seems. It seems focused on a healthy relationship with food, but it’s really an overall concept of understanding the mentality it takes to make informed and beneficial decisions all day, everyday.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION

We did a stent with a multilevel marketing company. They preached “delayed gratification.” It was meant to say that you shouldn’t spend now because you’re going to produce a significant amount of income in the future, and you’ll be able to spend greatly at that point. Unfortunately, Mr. ODA and I are too cynical to watch that unfold. We took note of every “extra” our “upline” spent that wasn’t hitting that mark.

They who would go on a big trip with the statement, “well it’s ok because it’s for my birthday” or “it’s ok because it’s the last big trip that I’m going to take with my mom.” There was always another trip. Or the big, fancy, rent out a space, decorate to the nines, buy a new outfit, birthday party that happened almost annually. There were excuses to justify these actions that were clearly against their “delayed gratification” preaching, but they thought it was ok because they were “debt free.” They didn’t buy a house, continuing to throw money to rent year after year so that they wouldn’t have a mortgage.

There was a guise of having a “big picture” mentality, but the execution of the financials didn’t add up to us. If you were really in delayed gratification mode, the $3,000 you spent on a trip could have been saved towards a 20% down payment on a house at 2.5% interest rate. That’s what Mr. ODA and I did when we had to pay for a wedding and buy a house in the same year. We set a goal to spend no more than $5 per person, per day on food. We didn’t eat at restaurants. We didn’t go on huge trips (although we did do some weekend trips to visit family). Because of those years of ‘pain’ we went through, we bought a house with no mortgage insurance, and that house turned into 4 houses when we sold it.

I digressed. The point here was that creating a mentality of “delayed gratification” is setting yourself up for failure. If you created a habit of proper spending and a mentality of being able to discern whether the cost of something is worth it to you and your goals in real time, there wouldn’t be these “slip ups” of wanting to take that big trip or wanting to fill a void by throwing a lavish party.

In February, I started a diet. I was working out for a year at that point (after having our 3rd baby), and the number on the scale was exactly the same. I felt better, but I wanted that number to go down. I started reading up on diets, and this concept I found clicked with me. If you commit to a diet that is really restrictive, you’re going to fail. If you can’t have any carbs, then you end up having a binge day to make up for that desire. The concept of depriving yourself of something is more thought-consuming than if you had taught yourself moderation.

This diet concept was to alter your eating each day so that it keeps your metabolism on its toes. One day, eat a lot of protein. The next day, eat your carbs. Go back and forth. I was consistent on this for 3 months (see, best laid plans fail – between end of school things and travel, I haven’t put the effort in), and I lost 17 pounds with little effort. I haven’t been paying attention to this eating pattern, and I’ve been stagnant again. The whole point was that if you deprive yourself of something you want, then it’s going to consume you and make you unhappy. But if you eat in a thoughtful manner, then you’re happier and have an easier time reaching a goal and sticking with it.

RIPPLES

The decisions you make today affect tomorrow. The habit formed by thinking you had a hard day and deserve a “treat,” or that “it’s vacation so we should each have a $10 ice cream at the amusement park,” have ripple effects. I have another post about how people make fun of those who say don’t spend $5 on coffee everyday if you want a better life. Most people see it as a literal $5 per day (granted, it’s more like $7 or $8 at this point), do the math, and then say sarcastically “wow I’m a millionaire.” No, it’s the mentality. It’s the concept of teaching yourself that you don’t need to purchase an expensive coffee everyday, or you don’t need to buy lunch everyday at work, or you don’t need to overspend on treats once per week.

Someone once made fun of us because we like to go exploring new towns and find hikes, while his family goes to Disney at least once per year. I’d venture to say that our trips, where we spend time with our family and learn about new places and things, are more stimulating. I don’t hate Disney (Mr. ODA does though 😉 ), but I don’t see it as something to go to every year with no other experiences. But our trips that end up costing about $1,000 allow us to go do more things. We can do more activities when home, we can go on more trips, we can put money into savings accounts for our kids.

This summer, we have plans to be in 7 states outside of our home state. My kids are extremely happy with just the concept of staying in a hotel or “vacation house.” Add in swimming in a pool somewhere, and they’re ecstatic. I don’t have a desire to teach them that vacation is when you get to eat everything you see and buy whatever trinket you want. If you intentionally spend throughout the year, you end up with things that are more valuable to you than if you buy several trinkets just because you’re on vacation (really – when was the last time your kid played with that light up spinny stick from Disney on Ice). I want to teach them the value of their time, their money, and their family. I want to try my hardest to set them up for success because they understand the value of things in the big picture, and not just the instant gratification that lasts for a couple of days because they go that little toy we walked by.