affordability

Mentality, Consistency, Follow Through

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When I was little, we had friends come to our house a lot. When a certain crew came, they raided the candy drawer like they hadn’t eaten in a week. It was quite a binge. It’s because there was no candy in their house. They were fed 3 small meals each day, and that was it. They had the mentality that they needed to get everything they could in a small period of time. Because they hadn’t been taught self-regulation by having regular access to things, they didn’t understand moderation.

To me, I had access to the candy drawer in my house whenever I wanted. Therefore, it wasn’t exciting to me. It was there if I wanted something here and there, but it wasn’t something I felt the need to covet. I do the same with my kids. They have full access to the pantry. They know the things that are “good” for you, and they know they can take that without asking. They do ask if they can have any of the treats in there, and unless it’s close to a meal time, I try to give more “yes” responses than denials (and my denials always come with a reason).

I use this story regularly in my life it seems. It seems focused on a healthy relationship with food, but it’s really an overall concept of understanding the mentality it takes to make informed and beneficial decisions all day, everyday.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION

We did a stent with a multilevel marketing company. They preached “delayed gratification.” It was meant to say that you shouldn’t spend now because you’re going to produce a significant amount of income in the future, and you’ll be able to spend greatly at that point. Unfortunately, Mr. ODA and I are too cynical to watch that unfold. We took note of every “extra” our “upline” spent that wasn’t hitting that mark.

They who would go on a big trip with the statement, “well it’s ok because it’s for my birthday” or “it’s ok because it’s the last big trip that I’m going to take with my mom.” There was always another trip. Or the big, fancy, rent out a space, decorate to the nines, buy a new outfit, birthday party that happened almost annually. There were excuses to justify these actions that were clearly against their “delayed gratification” preaching, but they thought it was ok because they were “debt free.” They didn’t buy a house, continuing to throw money to rent year after year so that they wouldn’t have a mortgage.

There was a guise of having a “big picture” mentality, but the execution of the financials didn’t add up to us. If you were really in delayed gratification mode, the $3,000 you spent on a trip could have been saved towards a 20% down payment on a house at 2.5% interest rate. That’s what Mr. ODA and I did when we had to pay for a wedding and buy a house in the same year. We set a goal to spend no more than $5 per person, per day on food. We didn’t eat at restaurants. We didn’t go on huge trips (although we did do some weekend trips to visit family). Because of those years of ‘pain’ we went through, we bought a house with no mortgage insurance, and that house turned into 4 houses when we sold it.

I digressed. The point here was that creating a mentality of “delayed gratification” is setting yourself up for failure. If you created a habit of proper spending and a mentality of being able to discern whether the cost of something is worth it to you and your goals in real time, there wouldn’t be these “slip ups” of wanting to take that big trip or wanting to fill a void by throwing a lavish party.

In February, I started a diet. I was working out for a year at that point (after having our 3rd baby), and the number on the scale was exactly the same. I felt better, but I wanted that number to go down. I started reading up on diets, and this concept I found clicked with me. If you commit to a diet that is really restrictive, you’re going to fail. If you can’t have any carbs, then you end up having a binge day to make up for that desire. The concept of depriving yourself of something is more thought-consuming than if you had taught yourself moderation.

This diet concept was to alter your eating each day so that it keeps your metabolism on its toes. One day, eat a lot of protein. The next day, eat your carbs. Go back and forth. I was consistent on this for 3 months (see, best laid plans fail – between end of school things and travel, I haven’t put the effort in), and I lost 17 pounds with little effort. I haven’t been paying attention to this eating pattern, and I’ve been stagnant again. The whole point was that if you deprive yourself of something you want, then it’s going to consume you and make you unhappy. But if you eat in a thoughtful manner, then you’re happier and have an easier time reaching a goal and sticking with it.

RIPPLES

The decisions you make today affect tomorrow. The habit formed by thinking you had a hard day and deserve a “treat,” or that “it’s vacation so we should each have a $10 ice cream at the amusement park,” have ripple effects. I have another post about how people make fun of those who say don’t spend $5 on coffee everyday if you want a better life. Most people see it as a literal $5 per day (granted, it’s more like $7 or $8 at this point), do the math, and then say sarcastically “wow I’m a millionaire.” No, it’s the mentality. It’s the concept of teaching yourself that you don’t need to purchase an expensive coffee everyday, or you don’t need to buy lunch everyday at work, or you don’t need to overspend on treats once per week.

Someone once made fun of us because we like to go exploring new towns and find hikes, while his family goes to Disney at least once per year. I’d venture to say that our trips, where we spend time with our family and learn about new places and things, are more stimulating. I don’t hate Disney (Mr. ODA does though 😉 ), but I don’t see it as something to go to every year with no other experiences. But our trips that end up costing about $1,000 allow us to go do more things. We can do more activities when home, we can go on more trips, we can put money into savings accounts for our kids.

This summer, we have plans to be in 7 states outside of our home state. My kids are extremely happy with just the concept of staying in a hotel or “vacation house.” Add in swimming in a pool somewhere, and they’re ecstatic. I don’t have a desire to teach them that vacation is when you get to eat everything you see and buy whatever trinket you want. If you intentionally spend throughout the year, you end up with things that are more valuable to you than if you buy several trinkets just because you’re on vacation (really – when was the last time your kid played with that light up spinny stick from Disney on Ice). I want to teach them the value of their time, their money, and their family. I want to try my hardest to set them up for success because they understand the value of things in the big picture, and not just the instant gratification that lasts for a couple of days because they go that little toy we walked by.

Vacations & Their Cost

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Here’s an unpopular opinion: you don’t need to buy all the amenities to have a good vacation.

Our financial advisor has a saying in his family, “we can’t afford ice cream.” If they wanted to, they could clearly pay for their family to have an ice cream night on vacation. However, they choose not to spend their money in such a way for the sake of the big picture.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you need to stop and think about an expense. I can’t remember what the item was, but when I went to pay for it, it was $8. It’s not that I couldn’t afford to purchase something at $8. It was simply that this item was worth $2 to me. The value of it was not $6 more of my money.

This post (or rant) started because of this Facebook post that was made in a local mom’s group. Apologies for the large image, but you couldn’t read the numbers until I got it this big.

Quite a few people echoed my point – stop with the add-ons. You can have a great day without the additional amenities/activities, and without the all day dining options. We had a season pass to the Cincinnati Zoo. We ate before we entered, packed snacks, and then ate on the way home if needed – at McDonald’s, with deals (we lived over an hour away from the zoo, so sometimes we couldn’t plan it to have only one meal while out). At a similar place to Kings Island, I know people who have packed coolers and left them in the car because you’re allowed to exit and re-enter.

Not buying extras holds true for any event. Your kid doesn’t need a $20 light up wand, that will be promptly forgotten about at the 48 hour mark, at Disney on Ice. The show itself was exciting and a “treat,” so let it stand alone. Your kid doesn’t need a $15 ice cream at the theme park. Simply let them enjoy the experience without developing a sense of entitlement or expectation that they’re going to get a “treat” every time you’re out.

I completely understand the mentality of “go big” for vacations because it’s a special time. But what is that worth? I know some people spend all year saving up to go to Disney, and they want the “full” experience. Disney itself is very expensive, but then you start spending on gift shop paraphernalia and food in the park, you’ve now spent a small fortune for hours of entertainment.

DISCIPLINE

Instead of only being disciplined for those few days per year, focus on the question: what is each individual dollar worth? I have an entire post where I share the thought process and conundrum I faced for purchasing a $4 weighted tape dispenser. Seriously. While you’ve “saved” for this vacation, what if that saving mentality helped you be able to pay your regular bills along the way? Or what if instead of spending extra money on vacation, that money went towards paying for school supplies? It’s all about creating the mentality and discipline to ask yourself what the value of something is, both to you and to the economy – if you’d pay $2 for a water bottle outside a stadium, is it worth paying $6 inside the stadium? Or could you plan ahead and bring your own water?

This irritation isn’t only for vacations. A friend of mine would leave their house to go to a nearby gas station to buy gatorade and soda bottles. You were at home! If going to the gas station is a regular occurrence, and you enjoy drinking soda out of a bottle, why don’t you get a multi-pack and keep it in your refrigerator? Then there’s the person I used to live across the street from who would order door dash regularly. It probably averaged to once per day; some days there was two deliveries, and some times she may skip a day. Then she posted a GoFundMe for help to pay for her tuition and books to finish her RN. She also posted all the amazing toys (excessive and expensive) she got her kids for Christmas, while also complaining about her son’s behavior being out of control, and that her daughter was being so bad that she got tv in her room taken away – wait, why does a THREE YEAR OLD have a tv in her room? So tell me again how you can’t make ends meet, and how you need help finishing your degree, while you have zero discipline on spending the money you do have. Why is it everyone else’s problem to fix for you when you’re putting no effort yourself? I’ve digressed.

OUR RECENT TRIP

We just went on a trip to Jellystone. My son had asked to go back to a cave since we left a cave last year. He’s obsessed with space and Earth. He was 4 at the time of this trip. For 2 adult tickets, all 5 of us were able to take a 2-hour tour at Mammoth Cave (children 5 and under are free). That was $40 worth of entertainment. I figured it was a good time to take advantage of their pricing structure before it would become $60 next time we’d try to go. While I felt the $40 was worth our time and money, I mildly regret it. His excitement for the caves was worth it, but we missed out on activities at Jellystone that I think they would have enjoyed. At 4 years old, we could have easily skirted the cave desire because he doesn’t know that a cave is 20 minutes away when we’re at this location.

We paid $433 for a 4 bedroom cabin for two nights, and that included a $50 charge for bringing a pet. We packed all our food for all the meals. My choice to allow the kids to stay up way past bedtime and for the two older ones to share a room cost us on day 2; I promised them ice cream if they powered through the cave, so that was $14 for all of us to have ice cream, which wouldn’t typically be an expense we incur. Other than the cost of gas to go 260 miles roundtrip, we spent nothing else.

There were opportunities to pay for things. We could have rented a golf cart for $70 per day. We could have paid for the mining sluice, which didn’t have a price advertised, and would have been 3 minutes of entertainment. We actually did try to do their obstacle course, but none of our kids were tall enough. Instead, we took advantage of their amenities. We drove pedal cars, played at their numerous playgrounds, went swimming, went to their beach to play in the sand and swim, ran around the splash pad, did their craft times, attended their character greetings, played bingo, played minigolf. We probably just sat at the cabin for a total of 3 hours between 3 pm check in on day 1 and 11 am check out on day 3; we even let the kids stay up until 8:30/9 (their usual bed time is 6:30).

UPCHARGES

So let’s look into amenities at GWL. I’m going to look at Mason, OH’s location. First, because it’s the one closest to me, so I’m familiar with it, but also because whenever there’s a Groupon for $99 nights, Mason is always $149. That tells me that Mason’s probably on the middle-to-higher end of amenities and their cost.

For a weekend in October, my room options range from $410 to $1035 per night. They provide a rate calendar option for you to see the rates on other nights because you may feel that $1035 for a night in a water park and hotel is absurd (I hope you do….). I also encourage booking with a code (there’s a Facebook group that shares active codes for deals), using a Groupon, or planning in advance and being flexible on dates.

You select a room option (I picked $410), and then it offers you a late checkout option. Check out is 11 am. For $50, you can stay in the room until 2 pm. What are you going to do with your room between 11 am and 2 pm? When this option is presented to you on the screen, what are you thinking? Are you thinking it must be a necessity because it’s being offered? Are you thinking that it’s needed because you don’t want to “leave” at 11 am? Or are you really thinking about the cost/benefit ratio of this charge? Are you expecting to be done with the water park for the day at 1:30, so you’ll go shower and change before the 2 pm check out? If I’m spending the day at the resort, I don’t see where I need the room between 11 and 2. I have one exception, which is very specific right now. If I hadn’t just paid $400 for a night there, I may consider the upgrade because we still have a napping kid from 11-1, so that could be helpful, but that’s not worth the additional $50 to me, personally.

GWL does a good job at pushing their pass options. There are 3 levels, ranging from $50-70. The options include a variety of: MagiQuest, Build-A-Bear, Mining Sluice, mini golf, bowling, GWL goggles, $5 to the arcade, candy, and an ice cream. Purchased individually, the price for the pass is a better deal by a few dollars than if you purchased these individually. However, do you have the time to do ALL of these activities and enjoy the water park? If you’re staying one or two nights, you likely don’t have the time to get the most out of everything. Don’t forget that they offer several ‘free’ activities (e.g., yoga, character greetings, bed time story, crafts, etc.) each day as well, not to mention that you’ve just spend $400 on the stay to play in the water park.

Don’t forget that on top of the room rate, there are taxes and a resort fee. If I wanted to stay for two nights with 2 adults and 3 kids (even though one is less than a year old), with no extra purchases, my total is $1,023.70. That’s $820 for the room, $124 for taxes, and $80 for resort fee.

These options that are presented don’t even include all the options you can pay for. For instance, you can rent a cabana. You have to call to book it, but I’ve seen it priced at $200 and at $500 for it. It’s not private. It’s not secluded. It’s not secure for your belongings. Make sure you ask yourself what you’re getting for that cost and if that money could be put to better use.

As a kid, we used to go to Lake George. We joked that it was our vacation from our vacation. The point of Lake George was to do nothing. You played in the pool at the hotel, walked the town, and got ice cream each night. It was relaxing. I remember lots of our trips, but Lake George sticks out as a favorite. Even our trips that were busy – it was busy because we were sightseeing and driving far; it wasn’t busy because we were paying for activities and trinkets.

We went to Disney on Ice, and my son still thanks me for the experience; he didn’t get any trinkets while we were there, and he still loved the experience. Your kids will remember the time they spent with you. That’s the point of the vacation – spending uninterrupted time with your family, not making it an exhausting, jam packed few days where kids are overstimulated and sleep deprived.

This isn’t a parenting advice post. It’s simply a moment to stop and think about your spending. Take the time to determine whether a dollar spent on an activity is worth that dollar’s cost in your day’s/week’s/month’s/year’s goals. The tape dispenser. Truthfully, I didn’t know it only cost $4. Regardless, I still took the time to consider whether buying this thing that I need for 1-2 days per year was really worth spending our money on, or could that money be put to better use.

In 2021, we purposefully took trips each month. We had looked into buying a vacation home, and we decided that we’d rather go to different places each trip than the same place over and over. The mortgage was going to be about $1200, so we allocated that much as our trip budgets. In May, we spend $618; June was $200; July was $690; August was $1069. I say this for perspective.

Take the time to analyze the spending that you’re doing, independent of the deals being offered. Will that one trip be worth the cost of it? Will the money spent for that trip be worth anything that you may have to give up to make that trip happen?